09 September, 2012

Trusting HIS will - not my OWN desire.

For the past [near] two  months, I've spent my personal meditation/prayer time, asking G-d that I can begin to understand his plan - not my own. That I will be able to discover my true dream and purpose - but know that at any moment, what I 'think' is my 'true dream and purpose' can be adjusted/re-directed, to more truly match Heavenly Father's plan and purpose for me and my life.

This is no easy task, I do assure any of you that read this - because, that means I have to accept each and every difficult thing I've faced in my life. And more so, I must hold my own self responsible for any and all actions I've taken - knowing that there is a reason I made them, and that eventually it will all work out and make sense.

As I was playing some mindless game on the computer [Bejeweled] waiting for time to pass because I actually woke up early for church this morning ( sure, I probably should have spent it reading scriptures/etc, but alas...] Anyhow, it occured to me.

It's been nearly two months since the ballerina and I broke up. Looking back, in those first few days and even weeks, I never thought I would move on and 'get over it'. I never thought I would be grateful that we're no longer together. I never thought I would be happy for them to move on, etc etc etc - but yet, not even quite 2 months later - and because I have allowed Heavenly Father to govern my life, not my own selfish wants, or desires - and I am beyond over it. And open to new possibilities! Whether those be love, education, travel, friendships, experiences, anything.

Something that my heart would have been so closed off to prior, because even as far as my "Christian Relationship" grew from the ballerina - I was hindered, MAJORLY, because I was too overwhemingly focused on an extremely unhealthy relationship.

And here I stand - free.

Still ready to soar...

With a mind that's actually open and free  it's self, to figure out in what direction to soar to.

Thanks be to God, for shizzle!