15 March, 2012
Not A Good Day...
But I accept the fact and choose to move forward... Here's some good that has been recently :
12 March, 2012
I was going to write this long post with lots of photos saying how fast time goes by - but I do that all the time, because the reality is - time does go by so, SO fast.
I was going to then write about how freaking awful this weekend was - like one of those absolute, hands down worst moments of time ever - but one that's so bad, that is also yet so essential to life. One that you're grateful for - but in the moment is so, SO exhausting & painful, that even looking back and knowing the good that came from it - hurts. The memory is that real, and fresh... and you'd beg for anything that it could be blocked.
That being said... I'm still slowly, re-cooperating from the exhaustion. I wish it would be overnight - I haven't felt this exhausted from an event in a long, long time... but I again see that necessity for said events, and so I will trust that in due time things will be where they need to be.
Le. Freaking. Sigh.
I was going to then write about how freaking awful this weekend was - like one of those absolute, hands down worst moments of time ever - but one that's so bad, that is also yet so essential to life. One that you're grateful for - but in the moment is so, SO exhausting & painful, that even looking back and knowing the good that came from it - hurts. The memory is that real, and fresh... and you'd beg for anything that it could be blocked.
That being said... I'm still slowly, re-cooperating from the exhaustion. I wish it would be overnight - I haven't felt this exhausted from an event in a long, long time... but I again see that necessity for said events, and so I will trust that in due time things will be where they need to be.
Le. Freaking. Sigh.
05 March, 2012
My Personal Re-Play Lately...
I love going back and reviewing old play-lists that I name based on certain experiences/people/situations/etc going on during the time I make them... I love listening to old favorites that have been "forgotten" - and more so, to see how they relate to those past, distant memories.
Adding to that list, My current playlist:
Adding to that list, My current playlist:
I'm always going to be a dreamer and a kid who changes every day. Someone that has to talk when he's got nothing to say. Hey kid, it's a great big world out there that you think you need to see. Hey kid, go on and live that life... But live it without me! Bitch, bitch, bitch! That's all you ever do. Bitch, bitch, bitch! No one's more punk than you. Bitch bitch, bitch! Your life is just a trend. Bitch, bitch, bitch! We'll see who's happy in the end.
01 March, 2012
Anchors Away...
One thing that has not stirred from my soul since last May – is the reality that I yearn for something more. In actuality, this yearning hasn’t left my soul since I can remember.
A good friend told me once that I needed an anchor, because of how all over I am… that I would benefit from the presence of another in my life. Going through a divorce – and that person being very aware of that situation in most of its entirety – I was overly hurt that they would suggest such a preposterous notion.
But the reality is – I do need anchors. I’m not as strong as I let on, and I have to stop fearing to show that. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders – when that’s far from necessary. And yet my over-compassion consumes me and I want to reach out and help everyone – which then leads to helping no one, and hurting myself.
I am lost. Obviously. I am hurting. Obviously. I am scared. Obviously. I am confused. Obviously. I am stuck in a time warp. Obviously.
And then - I begin to think about what I crave to be – and what that inner ‘yearning’ craves for… and I realize that anchors are not it. It’s a life filled with an abundance of love and compassion, yes. But it’s also a life that is full of giving of myself – to others. To fill the world – or merely a single life – with goodness. To help. I want to be a better person. I want to be an example that there is still hope left in this world. I want to show that the good in people still exists – and it can outweigh any affiliation – denomination – party or religion.
The reality is I have a craving to travel the world and make people smile. Because I know, first hand, that in the darkest of days – in the hours that consumed my being and lead me to destructive paths and decisions – the simplicity of a sincere smile – could do wonders. It created miracles. It saved my life.
Life is not meant to be filled with sureties. It’s meant to be something that allows us to create meaning – so that we can have hope – which each morning we wake up, whether we are washing toilets or performing open heart surgery – we are changing lives. Life was meant for giving – not to lose our self in the overabundance cultures & societies say we need.
And that, my friends, is what my soul both craves and needs…
This post is brought to you by adhd, insomnia, and the reality that I let fear consume my being.
A good friend told me once that I needed an anchor, because of how all over I am… that I would benefit from the presence of another in my life. Going through a divorce – and that person being very aware of that situation in most of its entirety – I was overly hurt that they would suggest such a preposterous notion.
But the reality is – I do need anchors. I’m not as strong as I let on, and I have to stop fearing to show that. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders – when that’s far from necessary. And yet my over-compassion consumes me and I want to reach out and help everyone – which then leads to helping no one, and hurting myself.
I am lost. Obviously. I am hurting. Obviously. I am scared. Obviously. I am confused. Obviously. I am stuck in a time warp. Obviously.
And then - I begin to think about what I crave to be – and what that inner ‘yearning’ craves for… and I realize that anchors are not it. It’s a life filled with an abundance of love and compassion, yes. But it’s also a life that is full of giving of myself – to others. To fill the world – or merely a single life – with goodness. To help. I want to be a better person. I want to be an example that there is still hope left in this world. I want to show that the good in people still exists – and it can outweigh any affiliation – denomination – party or religion.
The reality is I have a craving to travel the world and make people smile. Because I know, first hand, that in the darkest of days – in the hours that consumed my being and lead me to destructive paths and decisions – the simplicity of a sincere smile – could do wonders. It created miracles. It saved my life.
Life is not meant to be filled with sureties. It’s meant to be something that allows us to create meaning – so that we can have hope – which each morning we wake up, whether we are washing toilets or performing open heart surgery – we are changing lives. Life was meant for giving – not to lose our self in the overabundance cultures & societies say we need.
And that, my friends, is what my soul both craves and needs…
This post is brought to you by adhd, insomnia, and the reality that I let fear consume my being.
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