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And some things are over Some things go on Part of me you carry And part of me is gone

How the hell can so many things intertwine and mean nothing, and yet mean everything?

I walked away from my oldest daughter's softball game tonight - so proud of her.

Dang - she's amazing.

I worry about her though, I hope I don't have to. I never thought I would have to - and now, unfortunately, I wonder if her tender heart may have been so overshadowed by others needs(who are still are in just as much need and pain still), that she's struggling so much now.

But yet she's caught between trying so hard to be the strength of the world for others and being just a kid who never got a chance to be a kid. I've seen that pain in others, and it worries me that I am starting to see it in her. My heart aches that I am the reason.. the cause.

But I can't blame myself.

I can't.

I mean...I can. But I have to somehow forgive myself and somehow do what I can to seek to get my children the help and assurance, security, and life that they can have and deserve, despite t…

Dashboard Confessional - "Open My Eyes"

This sums up every single entity of every single person, experience, moment and everything of the last (almost) 33 years of my life.
ALL  of it.

------




I took a beatin', hell I took some bad onesJust tryin' to hold this thing straightIt's hard work, believin'You win some, you lose some

Still I Rise

Still I Rise
Maya Angelou, 1928 - 2014


You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I ri…

Hebrews 13:6

Life is good. Things are good. People are good. People in my life amazing. Things in my life amazing. Gratitude goes a long way - and I am grateful for much, and much do I have to be grateful for!

I truly can't complain - I am probably happier, more at peace, and stronger than I have ever been. I have grown so much in the past few months - and I owe so much of that to my commitment to my Heavenly Father.
Onwards and upwards - but with Christ by my side, strength no matter what. ♡

G-d's Presence Beginning Young

As a current member of a high Episcopal/Anglican church (and have been for many years), I have begun transitioning to even more of the liturgical and saint focused aspects of the Anglican Catholic church. While the high Episcopal/Anglican church does utilize rosaries, the prayers are non specific, as they are in the typical Roman Catholic church.

While our prayers have slightly changed lately as our walk in Christ has begun to grow, the repetitiveness of our nightly prayers and rosary use - is amazing to see. Em knows exactly where to go get her beads every night when it's bed time, and she while she can't kneel yet, she will full body lay on her beads - and I will join her.

We pray a compline prayer, or even pray the Catholic Rosary - and the fact that my 17 month old daughter can sit there in complete and utter contemplation as we praise and reflect and connect with our Savior and those around him - well it's probably the most amazing thing to see.

Next to her powerful a…

This is realness - this is life.

Despite imperfections, which each and every one of us have - and perhaps one of mine is or perhaps one one of my redeeming traits is (depends on how you see it, I reckon) -
Despite battles. Despite doing this all alone. Despite being tired at times - because I am a single mom, I deserve to be tired. Despite being hurt - because there's no denying things said, behaviors done, and actions by people have hurt me. Despite the cruel coldness that has been spit on me since I found out I was pregnant over two years ago. Since all of that, and despite all of that - I have never not allowed a certain person to be part of Em's life. Despite my aching heart because of how much I loved him, I never stopped talking to him on her behalf. 
Even when he, repeatedly would treat me awful, and not help, and not contribute, and not visit, and not even respond to a text message(for weeks and months on end, whenever it suddenly "re-became" convenient for him) - even despite all of that. I…

Darling, you see, no heroes are coming for you. Grab your sword, and don your own armor. - Emily Palermo

Yesterday my sweet Bella, aka Addy, taught Emily Ruth 'Uh oh'. It was adorable, and cute, and sweet - especially hearing my two daughters play together (ignore the diaper butt!):
)
But then Em realized that she can say 'uh oh' to pretty much anything - throwing her self down, throwing toys, slapping ME, biting ME, etc - and just say 'uh oh' - and then laugh hysterically... The cute ran out at that point. (Okay, it's still slightly cute, but need to break her of the bad part of it!).
She's recently started walking with her walker, pulling herself up in her crib, and on couches, and pretty much anything that allows her to stand up - which means walking is probably soon around the corner. (Enter mommy version of 'Uh oh!')
She kisses "smack" like crazy (including in her sleep the other evening!) , will put her head/cheek to you when she wants a kiss (and repeat it until you give her a kiss!), and loves to 'be gentle' with hair brus…