I'm not sure how to write this.
Because part of my soul - my most inner being -
hated this woman - because she was the final 'destruction' of my marriage. She played me - making me think she was a good person - she stabbed me (though my fault for ever believing) in the back, not just once, not twice, but multiple times. She showed up at my door - telling me to leave because my husband was 'her true love and she was his'. Falling to the fucking floor I remember how my earth shattered in that fucking moment - how every single fiber of my inner-most being died and crashed - hard, in that one single moment. I literally just fell - everything, pouring out from me - tears falling hard than they ever, ever have.
But part of me is so gracious for this woman - because she lead me to freedom - to freedom of continuous pain and hurting. To a divorce that was beyond needed - to a life that was more than welcomed. Sure it's hard - and the moments happen - but it was a life I deserved and had yet to have nor would ever have within that marriage.
And the fact that she had a little girl - 5 years old - that kills me. Because no child deserves to have their mommy taken away - no matter how 'awful' that mom may seem to outsiders - to that little girl - that is her mommy, and mommy's can't ever be replaced or come back.
Amy - I hope you're dancing with our Savior - I hope you truly knew him - because no matter what happens in this early life - you had a savior who loved you - you had a daughter who will dream about you forever - and you had a life that will forever be remembered by those who knew you.
