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Showing posts from September, 2011

Have I told you lately that I don't do giving up?

in·ac·tive/in╦łaktiv/ : Not working; inoperative
Oh no no no... you say inactive and you think that means I'll give up? Tisk Tisk Tisk. Nope. Not gonna work honey, not on THIS 'sister'. It just means you NEED ME, That. Much. More. It means you need a sister to reach out, to grab your hand and say, Girlfriend-I understand. To tell you, heck yeah I've been there. I've been done that road. I've struggled too. I aint perfect, no-sir-ee. Ain't ever gonna be perfect, either. I get the Utah mormon. Molly's my worst enemy. And of course there's a dozen in every ward. Only to be matched, with perfect Peter Priesthood. But, seriously. My poor, poor visiting teaching people.... cause I think they thought I would just give up. HA. Ha. HA.
(Cause truth is, more than you need me, I needed you.
To re-light the flame in my heart
that is so passionate about sharing
the gospel with people
like
you!)
It took me 26 years - but I found 'it'. It took a hell of a LOT of mistakes.
 Mistakes I Never.Thought.I.Would.Make. It took regret, and nights sobbing, losing things I loved and cared for deeply. It took losing everything. But I found happiness. I found truth. I found who I am, and what I am.
A loved, blessed, daughter of my father in heaven. Who is far from perfect. But has a strong understanding of the gospel.
I know that I have a father in heaven, that every time I fail - every time I stumble home, picks me up in his arms and takes me in - because even though I am not perfect - he is. And He understands, and cares for me.
I've never known what I've discovered tonight. And I'd take the 26 years of pain and devastation, of mistakes, regrets, losses... just to know, what I so deeply know.
I'm a member of the lord's church. I've made mistakes. I will never be perfect. But I know, now, more than ever, that what I want is to do all I can to return to my loving father in He…

I want every day of my life to be one that was worth living.

For my birthday, freaking 26, I got myself a lil bit closer to out of debt.... and a gym membership.

Because let's be honest - with health issues & a new(well really, it's no longer new, so that's a bad excuse) job (that does occupy a heck of a lot of my time), I have been a huge slacker on the exercise thing - and it's no good. I am not only healthier and better looking when I work out - I'm much happier. Since I work ridiculous hours unfortunately I didn't join the gym with the group classes which I thrive in - so I'll have to learn to thrive without groups, dancing in my head, to the possibilities of Planet Fitness's 24 hour awesomeness.

I can't believe in less than 24 hours I will be 26 years old. Will I wake up at 5am crying like every year since 18?

I hope not. I hope I wake up thinking "Yep, bitch's - watch out, Blair's here - I've dealt with the shit, so I'm ready to rock out with my cock out".

And yes I just sa…
Last night I met with the bishop.


In better, more positive uplifting news - I then got to go with the missionaries to sit in on a lesson they were teaching an investigator - I have never been on 'that side'. I've always been the investigator - and it was beautiful, and the spirit was so, so strong - and I loved every moment (That went by terribly too fast!).

Because of the bishop not being well - just because I'm Blair and I have my own trials and my own strengths - I felt very discouraged this morning. But I rememebered how one of the elders last night said before his mission he struggled with daily scripture reading,but he made his first goal just to read one verse a day. This morning that stood out -  so even though I was running behind, I kneeled in prayer, and then 'randomly' flipped to a page in the book of mormon...

And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and ahappy state of those that keep the commandments of God. For behold, …