05 June, 2011

"You know how I did it? This is how I did it, Anton: 
I never saved anything for the swim back..."

Today, as I went for my 'Sunday long run' (which actually seems to be progressively getting shorter...) I was scared of trailing from that which I know very much, because on Friday's run I ended up very very lost in 'my town' and ended up expelling way too much energy in the beginning not realizing I was going to be running so far, and at the end, was crying in miserable knee pain.

As I went on this road called Shookstown Rd, that seems needlessly un-ending; and even more so, it's an unending uphill battle towards a 'mountain'. I guess I didn't realize this when running it, because I was full of adrenaline, but when I finally turned around because I knew that I didn't want to be running 5 miles uphill, to have to only turn around and run 5 more (even if downhill)... well, when I turned around I realized "oh wow, I'm on a 'mountain', oh wow there's a valley in Frederick..." etc etc - it for a split moment reminded me of Utah, and looking down on the valley from the top of Capitol Hill where I used to live; or from the UofU's campus, or from the many places where you could hike/walk/drive/etc to see atop mountains to see the valley's below. I got homesick for Utah for a split second; but I then had this 'a HA!' moment - which I seem to have all too often, and yet not often enough - where I decided I was going to swim, without saving anything for the swim back.

I was going to swim, into my 'new life', into the Valley of Frederick, Md. I was going to exert all my energies into becoming the person I crave so much to be, that I don't have any energy left to look back on who I once was and regret. That I have no energy left to wish for my broken heart to be healed by past love. I was going to exert all my energies into my life yet to be... 

And here, I stand swimming. The race just begun; with no ending in sight.