30 May, 2011

A Gift

You tell me I'm a walking contradiction,
that my body defers me from the thoughts of my mind.
My mouth is just a bowl full of lies.
But here, in this moment, if I promised the truth
would you really stop to hear the words of my youth?

Cause realities aren't easily apprehended
And I promise you this is one of them
That in the very moment I saw you, the earth stood.
Everything left me, no longer knowing the meaning of heartache.
Life's detriments buried deep in the wake.

Are you listening my friend?
Do you hear the words that soar from my lips?
Like the dove that once knew how to fly
gracefully, like a child staring up into the sky
That then got shot down by the man with a gun
and never thought she'd reach above.

You came into my world, unknowingly a tornado.
Destroying all that was built upon these false halos.
Leaving nothing but an empty dark tunnel,
but with promises I’d never have to crawl through it alone.
Suddenly okaying all the windblown.

How can something so extraordinary be so wrong
Where was I when you walked along.
Take my awkward words and silence them
Trust my heart that it's been widened.
Open for the moment that you would've allowed me to hide in.

Unbeknownst that I could never have this,
oh the sorrows that I crave to be measureless
The dove gaining her pride and strength again
learning to soar through the sky, no longer a freshman
not afraid of the man or his frightful deathblow
but trusting in hope for a strengthened tomorrow.

This is where I say my afflicting goodbyes
and thank you for all the beautiful moonrise
A beauty that I feared would never be known
Anxiously awaiting my deaths deep silenced tone
yet now with a heart opened, allowing to be shown.

A suffering filled with great anguish,
wishing to tell you, you deserve only to be cherished,
and repay you for all the madness reverted
with words that are easier typed then sown.
A voice once warned ridden, grown.

An inclination known for the best
that I must give to you, my heart's lovely guest.
Not easily awakened, with hopes of conceiving.
The ending to the novelette so well acquainted.
A gift of avoidance; the scandal blighted.

13 May, 2011

Bliss: Perfect happiness; great joy.

When I was in Utah, I looked for places to move online. I found a reasonably placed neighborhood, that appeared 'cute' in the photos we saw. I had mentioned the area to my mother, and immediately she said "OH GOSH I HOPE IT's NOT PIONEER CITY ALL MY STUDENTS WOULD ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THE GANGS AND WHATNOT"... Great, mom.

got here; and it was good ol' Pioneer City. Where theres cops strolling the streets every 5minutes at least, usually parked waiting for drama to go down. There's hoodlums who roam the street, too many kids with parents who don't watch them (hello neighbor mom Blair), etc. And even still - I found bliss. I found bliss!

I've gotten close to MANY of my neighbors; most of whom I probably thought I would never have interacted with. They come from many different backgrounds - multitudes of stories, multitudes of hardships, multitudes of good and bad, etc.

I've moved from Maryland to Utah, from city to city whilst in Utah, and then from Utah to Maryland. And for the first time I'm so torn over moving. I'm excited to move to a new place, to meet new people, to be a-fresh, to start a-new (not that I really have anything to start a-new with other than the obvious).  To be in a place I've never known, (not that I knew Severn, but I grew up in this county). I'm still near my family and close enough to my past 'friends'; and yet I'm going to an entirely new kicking ground !

What I'm getting at however, is how amazingly heartbroken I am to leave my neighbors. They weren't just my neighbors, they became my friends. People I would run outside when I saw them, so that I could talk to them. I would 'check my mail' just hoping they would stop me and start chatting. Neighbors I would bake for every holiday, just to give them something to smile and laugh at. Neighbors who would jokingly call me 'Snowflake' and teach (Destroy!) me things I never thought I would learn (or need to know ha!). 

     And then there's the beautiful lady across the way, who quickly became one of my bestfriends whether she knew it or not. The type of gal who I never thought as an "atheist, treehugging, hippie, sun-yoga worshiping, liberal, loud and obnoxious" would befriend. She being the 'conservative, Jesus loving Christian, calm shy and reserved woman of virtue!". One who I grew close and comfortable with, like a friend I've craved for so long. We laughed at our insecurities, we shared our sorrows. And never once did I feel her judging me. She always had something positive to say to me, about me - about my downfalls or trials. A family who entrusted me - and believed in me; and wanted nothing but the absolute best for me! I'll terribly miss seeing her every day, and her beautiful family, the absolute mostest. 

Here's to moving on with my life, my future. Allowing good to overflow me and surround myself with new opportunity for success and love. But not without a softened heart and deep gratitude for those I met whilst living in  good ol' Pioneer City!

"The connections we make in the course of a life--maybe that's what heaven is."
— Fred Rogers