17 May, 2015

“Courage is looking fear right in the eye and saying, ‘Get the hell out of my way, I’ve got things to do.'"

I admit... for many, many months, I was worried. I had no idea how I would do this 'on my own'. I didn't know, truly, deep down, if I could. Or maybe I just didn't think I could.

And maybe it's because I'm about to have a little girl in 23 (holy heck!) freaking days - and momma mode is kicking in - or maybe I'm just truly finally realizing my worth and strengths. Either way, I realize now, more than ever, I can in fact do this, especially on my own.

Perhaps it's the incredible surroundings I've had lately. Single mommas & women from all works and corners of my life have just seemed to come crawling out of the wood works to surround and uplift me. With honesty - each has answered my questions. "Wasn't it hard?" "Weren't you exhausted?" The same questions, I ask in different moments - and with each come the honest replies.

And of course it's going to be hard. Of course it WILL be exhausting - but it will also be wonderful. I will have a little girl who love, rely and need only me. And that's a wonderful feeling. One that will keep me going when times seem impossible. I never have to have permission or question how to raise my daughter - it's up to me, and I get the final say in anything - knowing that my say, ultimately, will always be the best and right way for her.

And I can honestly say I'm not worried anymore. I know I'm going to be tired. I know I am going to be overwhelmed in moments. But I also know that this is all going to make sense and be worth it. And I have an amazing cohort of friends to rely on if times ever need be.

I am done begging. I begged. It got me nowhere. So it's time to start living.

For me. For Her. For us.