16 August, 2013

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” ― Andy Warhol

Considering I grew up in a "Smiths & Jones" type area; where people constantly engaged in the competition of latest trends, most expensive cars, salon & spa days like they were as necessary as food in the belly...

I am pretty dang impressed with the way 'we all' have grown up. We grew up to become many things; top 40 recording artists, National Geographic photographers, mothers & fathers, acclaimed attorneys, sought after doctors. Many things.

But what strikes me the most; is that we grew up, and for the most part, we broke down the barriers that kept us entrapped; and instead cultivated a personality, and a society, of love and acceptance.

And that my friends, is something I never thought in a million years, I would say about those from Severna Park, Maryland.

But I am, I can, and I am proud to be able to do such.

Love comes in all shapes, sizes, and ways.
And I am proud that I can say that, I, despite my many shortfalls & character flaws;
helped contribute to that love growth.

I have struggled with 'writing about this' for quite some time. Not the Severna Park thing; but the idea that I am 'okay' with the 'Gay' marriage. Because I feared upsetting my (few) supporters that supported me thinking I was something, someone, or supportive of, something I am not. 


This has nothing to do with my personal beliefs. Those beliefs, support love, endorse love, and place a very specific call to action on REQUIRING love.  [Matthew 7:12, John 13:34-35, and oh so many more]. 

It's odd; because I went from this 'anti everything political', to a slow progression of
accepting politics.... to hearing Michele Bachman speak (and thus being inspired to read the constitution) and getting involved in local/state/national politics (but still maintaining a individual analysis of things, even during the Nov.'12 elections)to after the election (and feeling so 'crushed), that I got far too wrapped up in things... Small Town Stupidity, that I (admit) I went off the 'conservative deep end', and became a sheep. 

And, in one of my strongest "Sheeple" moves, I allowed my heart to be filled with pride; pride that I was ever better or "less of a sinner" than anyone else. I allowed my heart to be filled with hate "of the sin". I allowed my heart to be filled with judgement. I was quick to hate, and slow to live. I was quick to judge, and slow to empathize. I was far from understanding. It was as though I just turned on a light switch one day, and the feelings that I had felt so sincere about (that homosexuality was no less, no more a sin and G-d still loves everyone); became feelings and expressions of hate. 

Something that kept me from (re)joining the Mormon church for SO long, was these strong convictions I had of love for all; and not agreeing with their ostracizing (which they have gotten much better about) homosexual men and women. And yet, with the flick of a switch; I was suddenly okay with 'hating' a group of people... Wow, Blair.

This caused a lot of heartbreak in my life; friendships that were the world to me, broke (as they should have), because they could not accept my hate. Two of the longest friendships, one with someone I had since I was 5, and another since 10th grade. All I can say, is that I am sorry; but truly, the apology is not due to them, but to the people I ever extended anything but love to.

I can not be ashamed that I am fulfilling the commandment to love, that my personal beliefs (Christianity), have called me to do. And I refuse to 'scoot' around things, or purposefully not say things, in any capacity, whether in digital/social media or more traditional/in person methods. 

I need to be okay having my own beliefs, that 'work for me' (that I always say, they work for me, not necessarily everyone); in all things. Politics, Religion, Music Preference, Hobby Selection. I also need to be okay with things that may not normally go 'hand in hand', do so for me. I do not need to vote, or believe, or follow, or listen or do, in a manner, merely because it's assumed of me. 

I am a Christian,
 I was called to love, 
and that means love all
(The only thing, that should ever be consistent).