dear heavenly father; i come to you with tears in my eyes. tears of last minute confusion. Heavenly Father; is what I'm doing wrong... is what I am doing agaisnt you.. your word? Father it all makes so much sense, everything. You showed me truth, multiple times in many many different ways. you gave me the exact verses that I prayed, and I know that it was from you ... because I don't know the book of mormon, you just knew where I had to read. You gave me complete love of a church, where I thought I would hate because it was the exact opposite of what I was used to; of what I thought I truly loved & adored.. but you made it clear that church was for you, and you alone. Heavenly father, would i be this nervous? I know I am happy too; but theres still so much not doubt, but.. I'm just so scared, because what if I am doing is not for you, and I'm joining something wrong. Will you condemn me father? I love you so much Father, and I'm so thankful for your son Jesus christ, and I only want to live for you.. and teach the world everything You were able to teach us.. but father, am I teaching the wrong things? I wish I could goto someone at Vineyard, and just ask for help... and make sure what i was doing wasn't wrong.. but it's to late, I'm getting baptized saturday.. and here I am in tears, because I'm so lost and confuzed, when I thought i was 110% positive.. God please make it right on saturday, please make this fear go away... and please send someone to help me.. - your daughter, Whitney
I was going through old journal's and blogs I've kept over the years wanting to find an entry or something so that I could say - here I was January 1, 2001 vs 2005 vs 2009 vs 2012... but alas. In it's own way, finding that was comforting... to know that even then, even over 8 years ago, I questioned my judgement and characters.
Oh, and God totally sent someone to help me by the way, it just took a couple... years! :)
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